I can't believe I wasted a google wave invite on her.
after he handcuffed me and put me in the back seat, "Mrs. Officer" started playing, I thought maybe this could be my escape
All I heard was "I swear it'll be funny" and then we were in jail.
Im blowing my nose and the only thing coming out is beer
my head feels like a yellow yolk spinning in a circle at the bottom of the bowl.. i may have a concussion, love auto correct
Not many people can say they've been photo bombed by an antelope. I sure did.
After the day I've had, I can't decide if donuts or fireball would be the appropriate priority.
Well, he didn't buy me a birthday present but he sure did give me chlamydia so there's that.
Can now check off "Start bar fight with my dad." on my bucket list.
Drank vodka clubs for 6 hours last night. Holy shit just realized that.
he is sitting in the driveway by himself laughing at nothing, idk what to do
I just spent 100$ at a sex shop to make myself feel better. And I signed you up to win 200$ so if you win, it's mine. And yes I'm serious.
got some info she was last seen with some guy wearing goggles
What! I said that you would fall in love? See I know better. Dark liquor makes me think everything is a dream. I barely remember saying that
as i was trying not to drunkingly fall off her toliet, i noticed her socks laying there. i quickly grabbed them, ran upstairs, and excitingly asked her if she had gotten them at sams club. she replied with, "...those are your socks."
Randomize
