she looks like someone took a bunch of spare parts and glued them all on one face. it's quite horrifying.
so i told him i have my period and he put his head by my vagina and said "I HATE YOU!"
Just found out you can rent the rollerena for 100 bucks and you can bring your own beer... when are you free this week?
I just don't want to have to pretend at every family function she brings him to that he didn't hit on me first
Also, never say you're cool with a threesome if they ask. That shit's a trap.
I just had to give myself a pep talk to stop lying on my floor. Literally too hung over to function
I'm sorry. I know you didn't expect me to be arm deep in vagina when you walked through the door.
Experimentation with dessert toppings followed by shower sex. Only logical progression bro.
Putting a positive pregnancy test next to my condoms in my drawer so I remember why I always need to use condoms
Do you remember our dinosaur noises from last night ? Breaaaahhhhhppp
My mom is currently out with her lesbian friends and I'm home alone drunk listening to the Les Miserables soundtrack. WHY DO I FEEL THE NEED TO COMPETE WITH HER?
On the way home she told me she was in kindergarten when 9/11 happened
My makeup bag looks like it has lips and wants to sing to me... Too high?
I just found three upside down bottles of grapejuice in a triangle around the air freshener above my toilet... I guess it was one of those nights
Yeah. We're taking this fuck buddy relationship to the next level. Sober weekday sex.
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