To answer your question of whether I "went back," tits just informed me I was kicked out for falling off my barstool and passing out on the floor...
If you're gonna cry pregnant again I'm not coming over.
i just smoke outta the biggest bowl i've ever seen. the kid was totally compensating for a tiny weeenie.
I woke up this morning with a bag of pepperonis in my bed.... and my facebook status was "pepperonis"
Ever have a poop and think... that has no business coming out of a human? Like it looks like a sick dog's or a ferral animal's?
The thing is that despite the high paying career and the increased responsibility, my life hasn't changed that much. Only instead of blacking out on $2 wells at some dive I blackout on top shelf martinis in a suit. Oh and only on Fri & Sat nights. Being 30 doesn't suck as bad as everyone led me to believe.
You kept asking the bartender if you could "buy a dollar".
My entire summer has consisted of being too drunk for this shit, too sober for this shit, or too hungover for this shit.
Hey mom, soo do we have a family lawyer or am I on my own for that?
he shit on the floor last night i'm not venturing down there
Jessica just ate her lipstick. That's how the night is going
These tits shall not be calmed
I'm giving drunk me full control of my body for the next few days. Please don't let me die.
Dude my roommate just peed out the window
I'm reading fall out boy fanfic. What has my life come to.
Randomize
