3:38a: you guys up to anything right now?
No offense but you kinda look like a Jack Johnson fan in that pic
i guess i finally out drove tiger woods this morning..
Long labias. Talking about. Too drunk to explain. Tomorrow.
She was drunk breaking up with me. All of my emails to her were coming back with UNSUBSCRIBE as the subject.
He tried to make an olympic torch by lighting a corona box on top of a pool cleaner.
I woke up in the closet and then I found my shirt in a bag of Doritos... how does that work out?
This morning my mouth tasted like fruit trees, battery acid, and magnums. Transferring schools was the best decision Ive ever made.
OH MY GOD I JUST WANT TO GO HOME AND FART ALL NIGHT.
I was going to ask the people in the kitchen to keep the volume down, but they're cooking pasta at 3 AM and one complimented me on my polka-dot nightgown. They're high. No volume control.
Are you setting a date to bone me?
Are you accepting?
i spent 45 minutes yellng Heather I feel so bad i wanna die and then 45 more yelling I DONT WANNT TO DIE. thats how drunk i was
I just know what's gonna happen. I mean. I shaved my legs up to shorts length. But I'm leaving the rest as a sort of makeshift caution tape.
I think after tonight I'm 85% lesbian
So that guy from plenty of fish has a lightning bolt tattooed on his face. I kinda feel like I HAVE to sleep with him now.
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