I'm upset that MJ died and all but waking up to his face on my HDTV in the middle of the night while half-asleep is pretty much the scariest fucking thing ever.
omh. i just found SHIT IN THE SHOWER! who the fuck does that? and why do i always seem to find it?
The boys are giving me the exam answers and I don't even have to expose my body..yayy engineering!
It's refreshing to see you in something that is stained with something other than vomit and spilled alcohol.
Supposedly i was taking multiple birth control pills while screaming dot judge me. Never going back
Help. Me. He just whispered 'prepare yourself', & sprayed hairspray everywheres to make sure the 'air was crisp'
Made myself shower before I'd masturbate. I probably should have wined and dined myself too, but that's pushing it too far.
And now I have a massive dip in and a Bloody Mary that would catch on fire if you put a flame close to it, with no pants on... At 8:15Am. Being single is pretty legit
You fell in the corner and refused to get up unless someone helped you. And then you crawled under the pool table and took a nap.
my roommate woke me up with head. more awkward than it sounds.
Google imaged your anal issues. Seems fuckable still.
This might be the worst thing you've ever done.
Really? I feel like I've done worse. Guess I gotta step my game up.
My moral compass kept pointing to his penis.
THERE'S MORE TO LIFE THAN JUST MISSIONARY
i let a mormon finger me. i don't ever want to be that drunk again.
Randomize
