Whssdazt areerg yiu up to? U thijk ur lame!
read your last text- its a foreign language-im not ignoring you, easyyy
I woke up in a stranger's bathtub with a broken shower curtain as my blanket.
I think I just got seasick
you're not on a boat
he has a waterbed.
my clit piercing makes the metal detector go off
boyfriend # 1 is in the bathroom and boyfriend # 2 is ringing the doorbell need back up this is not a drill i repeat this is not a drill
Are you pissed because you didn't get action, or the fact i got boned twice in public places tonight?
i promise the blood crusted on your tits is from him motorboating you after he tripped into the pool stick. nothing else.
Clusterfucked is a frowned upon word in work related emails
Just talked to Kate. She said I called her on Friday night. She said I was crying for 5 minutes because we were parked in front of a fire hydrant.
Nobody in the ambulance liked me...
You ever got drunk on $5? Cuz it's about to happen
when the repo soundtrack came on in the middle of us having sex i realized it was about time that i clear out my itunes library
I would eat the Denny's grand slam special out of my new probation officers b hole
Better not shit yourself at the gym.
This is a weird combination of planning and sexting but whatever
Randomize
