Just saw the true definition of the muffin top and camel toe all on one person at the DC zoo... Tried to take a pic but she got away..
Oh no. He has the "I'm 30 years old and I just shit myself in public" face.
the last 2 times weve had drunk sex ive had to get the morning after pill.. he's turning into a real expensive fuck buddy.
She compared sex to doing dishes."You scrub them until they're wet."
Naturally, I just peed all over the floor. Two guys in front of me looked at me, but i just shrugged. They won't remember either.
I woke up with her little sister yelling "she's dead !!" from the bathroom doorway.
There's two girls at the bar sniffing each others boobs.
I was grossed out that all their candles smelled like vagina and then I remembered where my fingers had been.
I used my tears to chase my tequila. You could say I rallied.
Highlight of the weekend: getting roundhouse kicked in the dick while switching from reverse cowgirl.
I ended up at home with a random bird sculpture and flowers
Your shirt... Was in my pants
Are you missing a tooth after last night? Because I found one in my coat pocket...along with what smells like dried jäger and a package of deer jerky.
Uh not that I recall.
Oh wait nvm. It's mine. Yeup, definitely my tooth.
In any case. I fucked a married couple recently. Know what a straight person would've done there? Been super weirded out by 1/3 of the genitals there, that's what.
What does it mean when the bartender gives you 4 straws?
Randomize
