break up sex still means we will always be broken up.
He's still on the phone with him. This is unnatural. Dudes don't call other dudes just to talk.
Sometimes one must go to great lengths and make great sacrifices to get drunk. I willingly accept the challenge.
He came when Ron Burgundy started playing the jazz flute. How do you think it went?
Hahaha I don't remember taking it away. But no one should have a sledgehammer at a party. NO ONE.
Dude he downed 9 shots of tequila, sang bohemian rhapsody with 3 randoms Wayne's world style, solo'd closing time, chased the hot bartender's dog all the way to main, tackled him, carried him back, hot bar tender hugged AND kissed him, then he does a jumping heel click and leaps into my car through the window. Next rounds free at the yeti. Needless to say your little brother is a tequila god.
Basically.
Then my perve supervisor asked about your vagina. And I was like nunya, but its glorious
We were sitting outside of the building and he literally just walked up with no pants on. This is the best college ever
Everytime I try to keep track of the amount of people I slept with I always forget about that guy I met on the dc metro, where I woke up to him organizing his Special K and Molly and I was covered in sleeping cats.
I was just wicked nice to a telemarketer... that's how stoned this woman got me.
so in other words, they broke and fell off and I ate a gummy life saver off of his balls
He was the highest I've ever seen. Almost had him convinced there are only three colors in the rainbow...
Long story short, I found someone who takes me seriously when I say I have a Shakespeare kink.
All I wanted was a good weekend full of booze, laughs, and maybe some penis. Instead, someone is in the hospital, I didn't sleep at all last night. And not because I got laid.
Just packed vodka and spare underwear into my purse- totally set for watching the hockey with him tonight
Randomize
