I feel like my sweat is 40 proof right now
So she started giving everyone lap dances, and i was like "i think i like this chick"
Erin Andrews shaves. She also likes to check out her ass in the mirror. Of course if I had an ass like that I'd be checking it out in the mirror too.
yours is so small it looks like an acorn!!
So he thinks I sent him a picture of my boob last night, but it was really just a close up of my arm.
I swear this guy grew up in land without leagues. someone should inform him he's way out of mine
In between when I last wrote and now have screwed a Swiss guy on a hostel bathroom floor. Okay, real life?
My 16 year old neighbor is throwing a rager cuz her parents are out of town and my brother and I are sitting on the porch listening to A) someone fuck on the trampoline B) a girl bawling about her parents finding out C) someone puking in what we think is the hot tub. And overall we take a shot everytime someone says "bra"
"But puppies!" Is not an acceptable excuse for trying to drunkenly steal someone's dog, you promiscuous midget!!
This dude has batman tighty whities on over his cargo pants and he has the nerve to yell "fuck you bitch" up at my window.
You ever feel like just rubbing your face in everything like a dog?
I want to be a supportive friend to her, but I also want to sleep with her ex now that he's single.
Every time I started to really hate the guys on tinder, the universe throws me a muscly beardy bone.
the good news is I finally used my captain america waffle maker to make captain america waffles
I just want this to serve as a reminder in the morning that the topic of conversation at last call was the penis size of jesus.
Randomize
