No, I can't hang out with Dave because he already has a girlfriend. The one with the tatoos of cherries on her "cherry." Yeah, she doesn't really make me feel spectacularly comfortable.
i asked him to tell me something nice and he said "your vagina is really tight."
Dude, she's so old there's a chalk outline where her reproductive organs used to be.
There is tupperware vodka. thats right tupperwares full of vodka. best leftovers ever
I blacked out, started puking and peed on the guy I was hooking up with. Mid hand job.
How old are you? 14? Who gives hand jobs anymore?
Salt in an open wound right now.
Last night was the twilight zone. We hungout with our 45 year old future selves and tried to fuck everything with a dick. Lets move forward from this.
Maybe we could get a groupon for vasectomy. I'm game.
I'm really glad that we can be casual hook up buddies. This is a true friendship. Now, please convince your roommate to do the same. Thanks.
Can we make sure camping doesn't turn into forest-orgy?
Lol, last year was UNREAL
She said, I've heard about you, from girls you wouldn't even be interested in. What?
sooo the guy I beat last night in strip pong is the manager's husband at my new job...
I somehow turned head, shoulders, knees, and toes into a sobriety test
I don't think I'm gonna survive today. I don't remember how to walk. I must crawl 6 blocks to my bed.
I gave three different guys a boner at the same time last night, and none of them are in the same city as I am. That's achievement.
What happened last night?
Lets just say you asked me a couple times if you had eyeballs..
Randomize
