I woke up fully clothed on top of my sheets and i didnt even pee myself..so proud.
Jake died.
WTF????????? That's how you tell me????
Oops typo. Jake cried.
Its about making memories worth repressing
I JUST GOT MY PERIOD AND MY VISA FOR LONDON GOT APPROVED! BEST DAY EVER!
I guess you can say it's a tradition... whoever brings home the ugliest guy has to do all the cleaning the next day
you puked out of a dead sleep and didnt wake up
So there is a guy driving a robot around the college of engineering selling energy drinks
You promised me a handle of vodka if I took home her ugly friend. Thanks to law class I took for the 2nd time I know that's a unilateral contract asshole
i'm laying here naked in a pile of empty landshark bottles, is lauren still hiding under the toilet?
He asked if he could pull one of my teeth "to remember me by"
I made it with a guy dressed as Mitt Romney. I told him "you can't have my vote, but you can have my body"
Her craziness is the sexiest thing about her.
I can't wait to read your obituary.
He managed to find a wheel chair and a super mario hat, now hes rolling around screaming "real life mario kart!"
Why am I not blowing coke off your ass at my apartment?
Sex and compliments. The way to my heart
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