he was like Britney Spears in bed.. a little chubby and too medicated to perform.
please don't let me die tonight
what have you done for me lately?
I just took boredom to a whole new level. I just auto-tuned and remixed today's western civ lecture
I'm standing outside of the bar watching homeless men teach a kid how to pee of the sidewalk.
Ripped lines in the bathroom before my presentation.. Got bonus marks for my enthusiasm.. This is why I love drugs
WHY ARE YOU SMOKING WEED WHEN YOU JUST HAD A STROKE. AND MORE IMPORTANTLY WHY ARE YOU DOING IT WITHOUT ME.
I love shooting for the middle. Those girls never wake up well.
I just need like a magic vacuum to suck everything out of me and then an IV to put good stuff back in
Last night I went to spank her while she was riding me and sack-tapped myself.
i just looked at those "hey" messages and i was so confused and then i remembered we were practicing texting with our tongues.
I was looking for a pen and I stumbled upon my mom's vibrator. On a related note, yes I will be going out tonight.
extra points if i make kids and or the elderly cry
If I make it through this whole bridesmaid process without anyone knowing that I actually hate everyone but the bride, including the groom, I deserve a complimentary bottle of vodka.
I'm intrigued by how his mouth tasted the same as his dick.
i'm not sure what you are doing right now, but i know that i don't like it. whatever you are doing. just stop. come here so we can fuck
Randomize
