A joint and a Nerds Rope = breakfast of champions for the unemployed
i told him that if he starts being sappy its friends = off. he called me jerkface and drew on me w permanent marker. im either in love w him or we are twelve.
So we tried to 69 with him on top. NEVER TRY IT. His balls were in my eyes and it was terrifying.
Mid thrust he tells me that we have bio together
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Drunk off five beers on a Tuesday. I'm not sure which part of that statement is more sad
What's the proper amount of time to avoid my 76 year old neighbor that caught me with my pants down, peeing in my driveway at 5am?
I threw up on my way to work while listening to "the good times are killing me". this award goes to modest mouse for creating the most poetic puke ever
I fucked my cousin and caught chlamydia this year. I can't really harbour any illusions about myself anymore.
There's some band that practices next door to my apartment. I'm thinking we may need to check that out. I could be like, "Hey boys, thought you might like some lemonade and vagina."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You were silly, high, and chewing on things.
Who the fuck hid 3 Zimas under my pillow?! Icing doesn't count when it's 8am the next morning and everyone's left and you've passed out on your couch. Currently chugging 2 of 3...
DUDE NEVER CALL THE COPS BACK
on one hand I spent like $120 last night..on the other that was the best sex of my life
Ben Franklin would totally be a furry.
You're smoking weed and checking Tumblr I take it?
We'll handle his penis the same way we handle day drinking; together.
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