I cannot stress to you how much better your current situation is than listening to gay sex
You're the 8th person from last night to text me this morning and ask if I'm ok.
I understand where he's coming from but I don't want this alcohol to revolve around relationship
Wait
Oh man, buzzed lunch fridays almost got out of hand.
I have a strict rule of what enters my vajay. It's either sparkly, or human. Anything else and I draw the line. Standards.
Just so you know, my new pet parrot tried to bond sexually with me today. That is what Google told me. I'm not sure of its gender.
Okay so my USC tutor just offered to eat me out. I think I'm definitely applying to USC.
i spent my morning giving relationship advice to the kid i had sex with on a kitchen table this weekend
I have major gossip for you.
Oh no, did you have sex last night?
If I had sex last night I'd probably post it on facebook. It's been that long and I'd be that excited.
why am i naked
you took off your clothes at the party and some guy took them home
The notary thing was a good idea. I can charge $2 per signature. I'm currently being paid in beer.
It's 90 percent alcohol, and 10 percent a whisper that says "get drunk"
You WHAT?!?!
Paid. A. Homeless. Guy. To. Throw. A. Drink. In. Her. Face.
I fucking love you.
You were laying on the floor coloring a "get well soon' card for your liver...
Its mothers day... Can my present be an orgasm...for once?
Randomize
