you went around grabbing cigarettes out of peoples mouths and claiming you were curing cancer.
Dude someone is playing the piano in the other room while I shit and it's making it really peaceful
yo everyone went to the hospital last night
so i never found you. but i found vodka. so its kinda the same
Don't tell me wow. Tell me this is normal for college and in no way am I a whore.
the paramedic just looked at me like "you again?"
Breakfast tacos?
YOU ARE A FOUNTAIN OF GREAT IDEAS
I decided staying home, watching porn and masterbating was a much better choice than the gym. And I was right.
Batchelotette party success. I woke up on the floor in nothing but a thong, a garter and a shirt that says Just Do Me.
btw im having a "its finally warm enough for a bbq in Toronto" party tonight. bring all the alcohol you have. and hamburger buns.
It was a mess. I sat on the kitchen floor with maple whiskey and cried into a bowl of poutine. I've never even been to canada
Can I just text her like "yo sorry I fucked your boyfriend, let's go get sushi" or like nah
Vodka and cigarettes aside, my body is a temple.
He told me he loved me and I told him I shit myself
I did not shave my legs to sit at home and diddle myself. He better wake the fuck up and put the fear of god in me!
Randomize
