I think men at large are the problem in most or all relationships. It's like trying to drag a three-legged retarded puppy through an obstacle course
I call biggest shit show at the party. I welcome all challengers.
threw up in my backpack again. Asian guy I cheat from wasn't pleased.
her parents were awake and in the next room. i think i deserve a big fucking medal for that orgasm.
after that, he'll be sure to remember me. i'll probably forget him, but that's the way it should be.
I just melted my phone trying to make cookies. I think that's a sign.
Oh god he's like Julia Roberts in pretty woman... And I'm the one who's gotta make a lady out of him.
I stared at his lazy eye for so long, he thought I had one too. Then we bonded over our lazy eyes. I had to fake one all night. My head is fucking killing me. NEVER pretend to have a lazy eye.
i'm almost positive she was a dude but like it doesn't even matter
re read what you just said
I know what you meant. If you want babies in time for your birthday, we gonna need either a time machine or a ski mask.
Halfway through the night I was hiding in a trashcan. Then I "sobered" up and ran around the house throwing change because I wanted to make my last moments of 2013 charitable.
Talking to him sober hurts my brain
Hard not to be concerned when you call me, tell me you've discovered the secret to flying, vomit, then hang up the phone. So yes, I'm coming to pick you up.
i made out with his shirt. MDMA, man.
Why didn't we pregame for this?
Because it's breakfast!?!
Randomize
