Why is there 6 cases of kwic trip dounuts dumped in my bed? Best 34 dollar wake up of my life
I just used my thong as a hair tie. I think I reached my limit.
i like him when i'm sober AND when i'm drunk.i've been searching for this my whole life
who said I'd never amount to anything...i just won 'most enthusiastic' at my poledancing class
The goal for tonight is vagina. In and around. Doesn't matter who. How. Or why.
You know I'm having a rough day when I'm curled up in the corner eating Spaghettios.
I can't remember dinner
Hahaha "rub in the ketchup on your face, It'll just look like blush." some gay waiter said that to you, and you go "good idea!"
Are you sure he's still you're boyfriend when you're sober?
Well then she has to know whoever you were kissing was in overalls because that's not a detail you just leave out.
Visions of polite missionary are dancing in my head right now kinda and it alarms me
I should be trashily making out with an air force cadet in the beach volleyball court by now
I have this theory that your highest awareness of how drunk you are is while you're sitting on a toilet
I woke up naked wrapped in a wolf blanket on the bathroom floor
Maybe it’s too soon to casually tell the boss that I went to Tulsa for some dick last night
But once you are just right and I work my tongue in the right spots and hot wax your balls and inner thighs. I will have you right where I want you.
Who is this?
Oops wrong number
Randomize
