i had a dream the other night i was titty fucking you while you were asleep, then you woke up and didn't care.
my boyfriend just named your boyfriend's penis.
Is it sad I memorized the exact change required for a #7 at Wendy's?
Fucked her within an inch of her life. Seriously. Don't choke bitches when they ask. Was way too drunk to be pulling that shit.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I had a nursing patient tell me that her favorite drink was vodka and ensure...called it a colorado bulldog
Sex with him was like teaching a two year old how to work a machine gun
She went dumpster diving. Found flourescent light bulbs, carpet samples and $15. We got a bottle of Popov, played star wars and threatened random people with the carpet. Get on our level.
You just want to fuck a girl in a dinosaur costume, don't you?
He Facebook stalked his way right into my pants.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I can only get completely wasted and hungry two more times and then we're out of fritos.
the potatoes in the margarita machine wasn't the breaking point. its when he turned on the stove and put a bunch of bottle rockets on it that i knew the night had prematurely failed
he was inside of, then got up said "we don't want you having a baby," grabbed his car keys and left. so now i'm just sitting on his bed, wondering if he's coming back.
He is so pussy whipped she has made him change his name to Toby
He has great taste in girls. I feel closer to my Eskimo sisters than my real sister...
This is Ryan, Kristin's husband. I don't know if you meant to send that pic to me at 3am. You may want to call Kristin. Neat piercing though.
Randomize