I think taking a nice shit is a lot more satisfying than an orgasm. This is probably why I'm single.
$22.99 left in the bank til payday = 3($7 jack & coke) + 2($0.89 T-Bell taco) + $0.21 in case of emergency.
math is fun
Thanks for stealing lime trees for me at 4:00 am. We're well on our way to having sustainable supplies for mojitos this summer.
Nothing kills the mood when I am hooking up on the dance floor like the DJ saying Happy Valentines.
She just laid there, sucking on a piece of steak, with the most content look on her face. Just before she passed out (steak still on her mouth) she said the cat box needed to be emptied
I LOVE YOU SO MUCH I'M ON A WILD DICK CHASE FOR YOU. How many lesbians do YOU know that would do that? HOW MANY????
RA just said I set the all time record for a student who lost houseing..30min..I was moveing out while my new roomate was moveing in. know of any off campous places to stay??
She told me to pick her up in the corner of shame and self-disgust.
QUIT RUINING DICK PICTURE DAY
She just won 2 Grammys at 17 and were sitting here hotboxing our half bathroom
My sobriety has gotten out of control. I think I need an intervention.
I need two food groups: booze and turkey sandwiches
He sends me pictures of his dogs and I send him my tits, it's a win win situation
Well in other news, my nipples are healing pretty well but next time I get drunk and decide to pierce something please for the love of god stop me!
She looked up and said "I like this." I asked "what do you like?" she said "penis."
Randomize
