ready 4 sex 2nite?
wow. woo me matt, woo me.
May have just accidentally purchased an iphone on Kate's credit card. This has potential to be bad.
now i know why they say having sex with her is the equivalent to licking a pay phone
Everytime she tries to call me all I can think about is when she tripped walking down my steps during her walk of shame. Then I laugh until it goes to voicemail
Santa Clause just drove by me on a fire truck. Epic night begins.
I'm sitting by the window waiting for the sun to go down so that I can start drinking.
just skyped with my friend to listen in on the people talking shit about me in the library. creepy or strategic?
i woke up next to the toilet with a chipped tooth, somebody elses shirt on, and a random guys id in my pocket
Just finished texting the 27th male name in my phone that i don't recognize. none of them were the hott kid i made out with last night. the search continues.
Dude he was freaking out because he thought he was walking on crates, and he just kept saying help me
Dude he did say "let's go cougar hunting" and you KNEW your mom was going out last night...so it's kind of your own fault for not coming
What does it say about my expectations if I'm pounding three beers the hour before a date?
Just peed off a cliff while playing white snake on my phone. Close enough?
Dude, do you think he'd be pissed if he found out that I always reference him as my starter husband?
Relationship goals: we both wore red underwear tonight. Except he won’t know because my bra been off but it’s the thought that counts I guess.
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