I took Valium worth by frank. I squabble
Li shadha you vin. It's phot out. I just ate a fried Oreo
I just put out an orange level terrorist threat on her punani
yeah you're probably right.. i should stop equating love with getting naked on a webcam for him.
My mom assumed I was crying because he was leaving. Figured that was better than explaining my eye's sensitivity to semen..
Their car went through the first bag of wine on the drive up...clearly 6 bags was not enough.
I tried giving you a bj last night and all you could manage was "Haha that tickles" and "in the morning"
Some random at the bar just whispered in my ear that he wants to eat me out while on bath salts....
fuck it. im taking monday off to do some Jagering.
anyone who texts me today gets a complimentary picture of my mangled foot. starting with you.
ewwwww wtf when you left last night you were fine?
Sorry, It's like OkCupid Olympics... categories: best sext, best dick pic, and most effort by ugly. You won gold in the last event if that makes you feel better.
Don't send me nudes asking me to come fuck you on lunch break then send me a video of kids you're babysitting.
I really need to curb my attractions to blondes with tattoo sleeves, firearms and alcoholism
We watched Purple Rain and then proceeded to have sex while listening to the album. If that's not exactly how Prince would want people to honor him, I don't know what is
Sometimes being bisexual is a curse. Turns out I banged both of her older twin brothers last summer.
Omg there's puke under my pillow. Clearly I puked and tried to hide it. From myself. \n
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