i just peed in a port a potty and wiped with my credit card statement. fuck yeah!
i called her out for picking her nose in public and he still wonders why i don't like her!
If there's ever a time when I've matured to the point that I don't want to look at camera-phone-titties, go ahead and bury me in a shallow grave by the railroad tracks.
The bar posted my picture because my name changes with each new fake i get. i'm getting a wig.
She just took the bottle of jager to the bathroom and locked the door. Now I hear the water running..if the house floods she's paying for it
Found my shoes and purse. They're all strapped together in my neighbor's tree. Need to borrow your ladder. Thanks in advance
sitting in my room in a shopping cart. they couldnt get my legs out of the holes. i want breakfast.
i left because you were standing at the top of the stairs throwing shot glasses and bottles full of alcohol at me and yelling JAGERBOMBS
So I'm trying to figure out if starting the day running around the quad in a black t-shirt and bikini w/ a drawn on mustache is a good way to start the day...
Baked and hanging out with Al from Home Improvement's son. You can't make this shit up. Tuh-rippin balls
He told me he doesn't want to fuck anymore because he needs to focus on school. Either he grew a vagina or he's secretly gay, it has to be one of the two.
Also, I've finally come to the point in the relationship when having sex with socks on is ok.
All I know is that I woke up with glitter all over me and blood on my shoes. It wasn't my blood.
so i may or may not have just had sex on the stage of the lecture hall....
She thinks I cheated on her 10 years ago in a past life lmao
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