last night you decided it was time to "get organized" and "straighten out your life." You pulled out a bag of troll dolls, sorted through them and got nostalgic. You demanded both andy and i take one and keep it forever.
...i had to draw her a diagram of her own vagina. including a little arrow to the clitoris. shouldn't it be the other way around?!?
Just discovered Kim Possible porn. Life is now complete.
They asked if I was about to puke and my response was to laugh and suddenly throw up. Continuing my asshole streak I kept laughing while still vomiting.
Oh god I think I promised some guy from high school that I'd be his fuck buddy in like 3 months
But today feels so special with katie getting herpes and me cleaning my room. Good things are happening.
I'm going to get pregnant and die... Mean Girls warned me about this but I didn't listen
Every time I think about it I can feel His toe in my mouth and I gag, I'm scarred for life.
just saw a guy snowshoeing to the liqour store
was it you?
...yes
When you're a bigshot ER surgeon and I'm a starving artist, I want you to remember who held your hair last night.
I'm cooling my balls with a beer because I'm too cheap to turn on the AC
I've now fucked in every motel room in this small town.
the worst part about living alone is not having other peoples snacks to mooch off of when you havent gone grocery shopping in three weeks. i'm so pms-y i'm about to eat a soy sauce packet
i just sneezed the second i jizzed and it got in my eye. words can't describe how much i hate life right now.
We've been here for 9 days, so of course I am high at my in-laws' house.
Randomize
