and my herpes radar will keep us safe
The girl next to me in class is taking notes on woman's suffrage with a girls gone wild pen.
he said he "kind of had sex before.. Barely" i think it was one of those situations where you slide into home and get tagged out.
Nick just found a baggie of 3 year old shrooms in his desk drawer and downed it all with cheap white wine. I am not on vomit duty tonight.
we just drove by a car that was painted for a grad, it said "you done it!" with a confederate flag bumper sticker next to it. i love kentucky
Woke up and there was a kayak in the pool. Are you alive?
Did you like my voicemail? Sounded like I was being murdered, right?
By a pack of ravenous dildos
When the cop tells you to leave the pool, does that mean you have to put your bathing suit back on too?
PROFESSOR JUST TOOK A SHOT WITH US BEFORE CLASS. WELCOME TO THE LAST DAY OF FINALS.
I went on an adventure and now we have more food.
Well, really we just have fire sauce and cookies. But they're edible.
Yeah he told me he wanted a serious relationship, but he's posting pictures of his dick on Kik.
My farts smell like burning tires and false courage
you know its getting late when the "nevers" are turning into "maybe"
I deserve a medal for being woke up at 6am on my day off by your mother asking where your brother is
Also you think METH is on the same level of wanting to see the movie cats? We’re gonna unpack that later
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