I would say a second date is not looking likely, I acciedentally bit his penis. it's still bleeding 43 minutes later.
This freshman just ran out of her seat in a 200 person lecture, opened the emergency door and vommed everywhere. Then quietly went back to her seat. $2 Pitchers hit someone hard last night.
i found him! he's on the front porch using a bag of potting soil as a pillow. i forgot i left him there.
Just found a wrench in the washing machine. Sooo not doing your laundry anymore.
Last time I get high to write a paper the night before it's due. "Tiny Wings and sexuality" is not an acceptable topic to for a paper. Class in 30 minutes. I'm fucked...
I need to establish a pattern of dominance early.... I'm like a slutty Cesar Milan
Just smoked pot with a guy who has apparently been living in the woods for over a month. He just walked out of the woods. This is not real life.
I was about to attempt a citizen's arrest on my RA
I don't understand why you aren't on this trip all I do is smoke weed drink beer and get fingered
I spy something regrettable...
Oh my god. Stop!! It was one time and I still can't believe it.
OH MY GOD! I CAN FEEL A PULSE IN MY BALLS IT HURTS! ITS LIKE MINI FEMINIST NINJAS ARE ATTACKING MY BALLS!!!
I was going down on her and she started whistling "Whistle while you work." I'm in love.
Why do I feel like I need to drink to feel better about the things I do when I'm drunk
and yet oddly the jello shots tasted better coming up than going down
The shower rod just came down while I was pooping. I caught it though and the curtain stayed on, so I'm not sure if it's a good or bad omen for the rest of my day
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