I wannas sexs uuuuu
Don't come here someone got drunk and rolled the keg to buger king. no more beeer
he clicked a button a stirrups came down from the ceiling... if I don't come home by sunday, report me.
angela screamed across the room SHES A CHAMP when i told the pharmacist plan b doesnt make me throw up
I just found a bottle of gin in my vegetable crisper. Party is back on.
I can't help but be optimistic. I'm like a ball of slutty sunshine.
Went to get my tattoo today. Found out the piercing girl is bi. I may just get my nipples done to get hit on tomorrow. Confidence is low these days.
He says I tipped the waitress ten dollars because she "smelled like pigs in a blanket."
THEY HAVE VIAGRA FLAVORED GELATO
I had phone sex with a retiree last night. This is not how I envisioned my 20s going...
Best thing she said after I kicked her out "rugby guys have single handedly ruined my faith in men"
All he gave me was a sore vagina and film suggestions
I'm to the point of desperation where I stare at customers penis imprints through their pants all day
I turned off my domesticated goddess switch over 2 years ago and idk how to turn it back on. So in the mean time I'll dodge this gf bullet and eat free steak for as long as possible
YOU ATE THE FUCKING GOLDFISH!?
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