i fell asleep last night with fifteen animal crackers in my mouth. rock bottom dude.
Sorry I totally forgot to text you back. When you texted me I was at work at the pharmacy and it was stupid busy. And then of course I had my 8 hour "shoot me b/c half of Loyola comes in to buy plan B" shift.
We basically counted to 3 and then dumped each other.
So then I sent a pic msg of the Magnum XL box to her friend
I just watched 2 blind guys walk into each other head on in providence. It pays to pregame in your car.
do not get into a discussion with my roommate when im sitting there naked ever again.
Whatever. I just smoked another bowl so I don't care and wow I just noticed how fast my thumb moves when I text. I'm amazing.
I know you're my sister, but I'm pretty sure I'm going to have sex with one of your exes this weekend. He's probably not gay, but I'll let you know.
I choose McDonald's breakfast at 1:28am over sex anytime
that pic of me and the hulking football player sure does come in handy when creepy guys hit on me at the bar.
I feel like shit, and I can't get the band aids off my nipples.
You also once spent an entire hour explaining the origin of the strip steak to me.
I slept naked with a towel wrapped around my waist in case I pissed the bed again
Thank you for being so charming, but do you have syphilis?
The problem with adderall is that no matter what I'm doing, I feel like it was the most productive thing I've EVER done.
Did you alphabetize our spice cupboard again?
...You'll thank me later.
Randomize
