We named our saturday intramural dodgeball team "we're hungover". Pretty much just an excuse to fuel my alcoholism on friday nights.
There comes a time in a man's life when he's almost thirty he just needs to stop watching Degrassi. This is that time.
Tonight's trip to the ER was brought to you by, "fork jousting."
Just saw a girl duct tape a cigarette back together..I feel like my life is shambles for being present for this
the repo guy said it was the first time he'd ever started to repo a car with someone fucking inside of it. he might have said 'doing it' instead.
I just watched a guy smoke weed through a French Horn. He is my hero
if i actually get asked out by my dealer what could happen?
i don't know, but it probably involves bathtubs full of weed
When I said tequila slammers would be the death of me, I didn't intend it to be today. Oh god.
Are you setting a date to bone me?
Are you accepting?
She got engaged last night. I don't think you should ask her out man.
I lost the right to judge tonight
I got my period today and I cried tears of joy. And then just cried because my cramps are actually killing me from the inside out.
Apparently last night I was doing back bends for the guy making my easy mac because clearly it wasn't easy enough for me.
sometimes u just gotta ride a dildo and forget about life
I gave Sophia a glitter bomb for Christmas. And before you ask is because she pooped in my cat litter box and then drank all my liquor and didn't pay me back and refuses to acknowledge that she had any wrongdoing. So she gets to clean up glitter for the next 10 years.
Randomize
