good penises are hard to come by.... must be the economy...
I just made a 90's Nickelodeon TV theme song power hour mix...I don't want to build it up but your head might explode
Apparently, I woke him up at 4AM, and yelled "you're mad because we don't have sex," while grabbing his dick. Then immediately fell back asleep, dick in hand.
So hungover. They actually hid easter eggs around me.
I also have a full keg. I'm thinking about crashing a party, they can't get mad if I bring a keg of beer.
How did I end up in the pool?!
Welcome to ASU
The sorority chicks were the Persian army, and we were their 300 Spartans. Can barely stand up now...such a good ratio
He ran into the room yelling "attack! Attack!", jumped on top of me on the air mattress, popped the air mattress, and then we had victory sex, because he was proud of popping it.
So, we bought a knight today. Nearly life size. Hes in the garage, so don't be startled.
I just blocked a guy on grindr for having a little dick. See? I do have standards.
Brett got me a cake with a pic of me shitting
You did a cartwheel, it was terrible.
I remember that cartwheel, it was okay.
of all the things that should kill me, scurvy wont be one of them
How do you politely tell a guy that you only kissed him so he would shut the fuck up?
We need to get walkie talkies for when we're drunk so if we are at different parties or lost we can talk
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