We had like 4 guys come over and buy us all drinks as an excuse to hit on Kendra. Hanging out with her is now officially fiscally responsible.
I can't believe I just compared my penis to a St. Bernard.
you made me have a moment of silence for the half of a sub sandwich that you dropped on the floor earlier
Blonde 1 is sitting on the floor crying and blonde 2 is asleep with her face in the toilet. This isn't what I had in mind when they asked me back
I just dropped my cookie in my glass of milk and looked at it for ten minutes. Thanks for telling me you made weed cookies.
I made her a sippy cup with eggnog and whiskey. My meditation app told me to go the extra mile for someone today, so I did.
I'm eating cheerios out of the palm of my hand while I pee with the door open. Is this adulthood?
I think I'm allergic to vodka. Or people getting engaged. One or the other. I want to die.
Okay so.. What's with me and guys who have more than 2 nipples
Explain to me again why I'm doing the walk of shame if we fucked at my house?
I looked like a tiger in heat. He didn't know if I wanted to fuck him or eat him.
you just don't appreciate it because you've never been arrested
Just stay awake and booze cruise it to class. How are you a senior and have never went to class drunk? No excuses, I have a better gpa.
the gnome is staring at me and the pineapple is wearing shorts. I don't want to do this anymore.
He adjusted my bra straps while I blew him.
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