Phosphoglyceraldehydration... why the fuck is this a word
I woke up and someone had put toast at my feet. I was SO. HAPPY.
I just don't want to have to pretend at every family function she brings him to that he didn't hit on me first
He is making me drink his THC water out of a milk jug.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Time to do stuff I know I'll have to hide from my grandkids one day and everyone at next weekends wedding.
She was throwing my stuff away and then before I knew it she was sucking my dick. It was like some fucked up sour patch kids commercial
After seeing all of the pics during the trial, all I could think was "her vagina doesn't look THAT dangerous"
This is a whole new generation of premature ejaculators
I need to be drunk within 15 minutes of getting home tonight.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't know if apple cider everclear was such a good idea
We went to Olive Garden so high we didn't talk and managed to be awkward enough for the waiter to ask if it was our first date
Had a dream I cut my own dick off. That's it I gotta see a doctor...
Umm
Exactly.
We broke into the kitchen, stole cooking aprons, and wore them on the dance floor.
Me and mom just bonded over our mutual desire to bang Mark Ruffalo. I'm not sure how to feel about this.
So I met one of her cousins last night. She recognized me as "the guy that's always in the liquor store", I may have a problem.
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