Just ran to the store on my way to the office to buy Diet Coke...the guy in front of me let me cut because it was 4 more minutes until 8am, so he wouldn't be able to purchase his vodka. I love Wisconsin
DAMN! I hate it when i drunkenly erase all my "sent message" and wake up in the morning and my inbox is full of "WTF?" and "Huh?" messages.
Threesomes are so awesome. You even have company on your walk of shame :)
The little penguins are speaking with a hispanic accent. I dont know how to feel about it. Geographically speaking, this cant be possibly. This isnt cool.
It's just unfortunate. She's a 28 year old woman who looks as if a pelican and ET had a baby. With braces.
Wanna show up on a guy's doorstep and punch him in the balls for me? At least this one isn't a cop.
I'm tryin a pb and onion sandwich now
Please smoke with me until I agree that sounds like a good idea
I woke up with a bagel in my mouth, still ate it. Free breakfast
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
Is there an "I fucked your brother" emoji?
I'm just going to assume my unresponsive booty calls are just preparing for the women's march tomorrow
As a rule...I don't sleep with my friends or watch movies with talking dogs
There's a random table in the kitchen...and it's not the kitchen table...we don't know where it came from
that guy was staring at your tits.
nah, more like they were staring at him, and his girlfriend, and her less than adequate bosom. they pitied the fool.
point taken, oh mistress of the bosoms.
I was left to my own devices with nothing to do but drink
Randomize
