So called my VP's house on Sunday drunk and told him that if he didn't hire me for the new position I would skull fuck his wife. They asked me to go home today. Thanks again Vodka
And she was only 16?
You say that like it's a bad thing.
I've decided to sign up for a porn membership, but it's 10:30 and I'm going to wait an hour an a half because I don't want to waste a whole day of my month long membership. Fuck this economy.
she was using a pencil to fish crushed adderall out of a plastic bag. it was like a college version of fun dip
yea man just watch out- theres a shitload of broken glass in your bed
at least i was responsible enough to take off my shoe and throw up in it
Why is there a frozen condom filled with water in my freezer?
Kid sitting next to me smells like he slept in a dutch oven full of farts. Going to die.
my boobs are worth more now than the blue book value of my car.
I just saw a douchebag with frosted tips & a LaCoste polo with popped collar driving a Call of Duty edition Jeep. It was a cavalcade of stereotypes.
your vagina must have magic restorative powers I feel rested and powerful this morning.
WE HAD GREAT SEX AND I HATE MYSELF FOR IT
Oh dear. Sending much love.
Just send a machete.
i told you i was taking the Metra Train, and you asked what type of drug that was.. so yes i believe you when you say you were fucked up
I swear I have some evil slut demon in me when I'm blacked out
Don't we all.
Randomize
