upper decked the toilet at the restaurant that wouldn't let me pee there yesterday
Girls should come with a carfax report
i got excepted to unl lol
You mean "accepted".
can you blow me for old times sake
only for old times sake
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Apparently I covered myself in sunscreen before I went to bed. Im just assuming that due to the fact I found an empty bottle of sunblock
She wanted to to do it on top of a horse, I can't compete with that
He's cute when he's drunk, too. Also he tried to fight my door...
nothing like a call from your drunk grandpa at midnight on a wednesday to ask your parents if you're registered to vote...
Definitely just found that pen in the microwave. What the fuck.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Irrelevant. Does he have queso? That's the real question.
Look, opening a Guinness with a steak knife and nearly cutting your finger off to make another carbomb is always a good idea.
The kind of drunk where you put two tampons in thinking that it'll last me longer ...
My ninety day supply of adderal just came in the mail and I literally just dumped all 180 pills into my hands and laughed like a maniac. Shits about to get cray
The closest I'll come to committing is leaving sex toys at their house
That's good. So do you know why there is a giant pile of old tires in the laundry room and kitchen?
Well we knew you needed some tires, found someone on the way home who was giving them away and took them all. Has to be 4 in there you can use.
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