the real housewives of new jersey finale is tonight. it makes me wish we had pot.
I hate it when you make eye contact with someone bcs you are about to make fun of them and they take it as a hint to come hit on you.
k so who do I think I'm kidding applying to culinary school? I just fucked up a microwaveable pizza
All of my current injuries can be related back to sex.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Man when i saw they were the only ones hard core grinding to the Cha Cha slide against the wall, I knew they were gonna have sex tonight.
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawnmower thinking of you
I am currently explaining what double penetration is to the bridesmaid I hooked up with at my cousin's wedding. This is my life.
Nothing says "forever alone" like receiving a friendship bracelet from your parents.
I swear, the cow we tried to tip tried to eat me. and all I could think was, oh how the tables have turned. worst trip ever
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She doesn't believe I only want to use you for sex. She has a much higher opinion of me than either of us do.
For dinner, I'm having saltines, canned whipped cream, and beer. Are we sure I'm responsible enough for home ownership?
Like, when both of your dads are drag queens you're bound to have some amazing Halloween makeup
Is it uncouth to masturbate the night before a gyno appointment?
I promise your sink was clogged before I threw up in it.
And then he peed in my hair
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