she screamed "my eye!" and it brought me a surge of bad memories. except she was yelling about a lemon.
I really hope our interview with channel 6 last night doesn't air or else my parents are gona get a first hand look at my alcohol problem
note to self, drunkenly bedazzeling the silverware was a stupid fucking idea
And im sorry for wishing your girlfriend gets genital warts.
Why is there a condom in the dishwasher...
i wasnt laughing because you were puking, i was laughing because three yards away there was a couple seriously getting it on
continuing my moment killer tradition in the best possible way
They took my balls.
Put some vodka in it
Its 7am
put some vodka in it
He's pretty cool once you ignore the fact that he's trying to get into your pants
Just spilled a coffee mug full of scolding hot oatmeal on my bare dick. Hope you're having a good Friday night too.
And he's in a frat. Everyone in a frat is gay. It's science.
A 'Bear Fight' is a car bomb followed by a Jaeger bomb. Fuckface and I do those on slow days. Tonight, we did a 'Polar Bear on Fire'. Fireball, a bear fight in the middle, and end with rumple minze.
I made friends at the beach bars tonight. Several were worried for my well being.
when in doubt, mount your coworker in the staff room.
I AM GETTING LAID TONIGHT YES HAPPY DAY PRAISE JESUS ALMIGHTY IN HEAVEN DEAR GOD CHRIST YES DADDY YAAASSS
RUDE you're the one missing half a nipple...
IT HEALED AND GREW BACK TO BE A FULL HEALTHY NIPPLE OKAY
Randomize