I'm gonna put my relationship status as "widowed" to see if it helps me get some poon.
He's really hot. I think he's gonna be my reason to shave this winter.
You should've stopped drinking when you started asking people for bites of tequila.
I owe you 20 bucks. My blood work did show liver damage.
Found a dirty envelope on my seat w ur name and $122.50 written on the front. Nothing inside but what looks like dirty pine needles
no i brought the cat to the bar. I got a weird look when I walked in but now everyone loves her.
Its okay, i dont mind you drinking, im just surrounded by it, there is some random dude laying on your couch with a bucket that ive never seen before
i ordered 6 shots "to go" what did you think was going to happen!
We took it as we must go to waffle house or else we will upset the gods.
Well, we broke up and instead of putting my shit out on the curb like a normal person, she fucking donated everything to Goodwill. So now I have to pay two dollars for one of my own t shirts.
I'd tell u there's strippers to make you get here faster, but that would be a blatant lie... There's strippers here.
I warned you. Don't come crying to me when your vagina refuses to forgive you for this.
I had a spiritual reading tonight and my dead grandmother called me a whore.
I feel as though I look like a mom with a substance abuse problem
I woke up this morning hand cuffed to the bed with three bruised ribs and Amy written in lipstick on my chest... what happen lastnite??
Randomize
