We had two amazing nights in a row...it was so weird...I couldn't even go to sleep cause I thought maybe it was just in his plot to kill me.
heey were did you guys go? last time i remember seeing you i was throwing up in the fountain
I wasted my skinny years on you. The least you can do is high five me at the bar
and his room smelled like strippers, childrens tears, and fear
Ok more importantly someone in a chicken costume just stepped in front of my car and started breakdancing...
It's either gonna be a cock in my mouth or a burger. You decide which.
The drug dealer had chickens in his house so I know it was good stuff.
Sorry, It's like OkCupid Olympics... categories: best sext, best dick pic, and most effort by ugly. You won gold in the last event if that makes you feel better.
The first crop top of the year and you're rocking it in the ER. #ratchet
What is my life?
You could sing the national anthem right before we have sex. Make it feel like a sporting event
Glass of stolen champagne in a to go cup = tastiest hangover cure ever
All I know for sure is, I went to bed drunk and I woke up in a relationship..I think I need to reevaluate my drinking skills.
What is the acceptable way to offer a trade of sex for a few hours of body heat?
I'm making a will, in it I'm leaving you my skull.
Why is there a horse in the backyard?
I stayed at my gfs last night. This is all on you.
Randomize
