my life is one jail cell away from being a bad country music song.
I just made doing the dishes into a drinking game. crafty, or pathetic?
Also, just almost microwaved cereal. Thank god mom is here to stop me.
Im otw to class. I was at the Library. Just past three girls with a bottle of tequila playing dizzy bat.
Can you imagine how doomed are children are? I mean for one they have our genetics and then we will ruin them as parents. It will be the most magical adventure. Let's not start soon, too many adventures at hand that involve immense amounts of alcohol.
did you know gatorade and rum go really good together
Are you doing depressed science again
maybe
You're asking your pregnant booty call to go to a funeral with you?
First poop in my apartment for the summer, officially settled in. :)
seriously considering getting an electric blanket rather than sleeping with guys this winter for warmth.
I've covered myself in body paint in the likeness of R2D2 and I still didn't get laid. Please explain.
I need a pedicure
You need to go to planned parenthood
Quick question, did I crash teeth with you when I snogged you, or did I headbutt something between the car and the bed last night?
She swallowed the car key because she thought we were really going to make her drive.
I found half a candy bar in my bra today... Melted to my nipple. What a mess. It was still good though.
I kept yelling "BY ORDER OF THE PEAKY FUCKING BLINDERS" in a terrible brummie accent at everyone I saw wearing a flatcap.
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