I couldn't get internet on my iPod in this hotel room for porn, so I made due with UFC.
I'm not sure what to say to that.
Sometimes I stick my finger in my own ass and pretend it’s a vagina. I think it’s kinda weird. What do you think?
after he passed out we removed everything electronic from his room, stuck in some old books and an ancient typewriter from goodwill. for 20 min. we had him convinced he'd drunk himself backward in time.
The bridesmaids just went smackdown on the floor, over the bouquet. I saw nipple. Best wedding ever
Right when I walked into the party my boyfriend stood up and yelled, "HEY TITS, GET ME A BEER!"
I feel like a great embryo-shaped weight has been lifted off my shoulders.
The lid of our salsa is promoting a contest that ended in July '09
If I should ask "why am I still single?" could someone please remind me of shooting mike and ikes out of my nose at the bartender last Saturday. many thanks
I think I kinda scared him when I told him if he premature ejaculated I would punch him in the throat.
I'm sitting in my room naked waiting for him. When he gets here im going to make him do 20 pushups and lick my clit for a hour
He compared my blow job skills to finding gold treasure in a gold chest, so there's that.
An "unreasonable amount of ejaculate" isn't a reason to be angry at me.
Ain't no cockblock like hearing the word"HOOODOOORR!" shouted from the bedroom floor while in the middle of sex.
I DONT HAVE THE SOCIAL SKILLS TO EXPLAIN THAT YOU DIED EATING MY PUSSY
only i would get cock blocked by a cop
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