I came back to the apartment and he was waiting for me, covered in mustard.
needless to say I left
Welll when you have a beer at 8:30 am you've already decided whaat kind of Sunday it ism
I really need to get laid. I'm telling at least 10 girls that I love them tonight.
Odds are at least 1 out of those 10 girls will be as crazy as you and will be into it.
apparently dick flashing is a frowned upon sport here..... sorry girlfriends mom
i broight you flpweers amd vodka. open yoir bask door
He took a girl home tonight that he was trying to sell a fridge to. She wanted a fridge and got his dick. He's got a talent.
Putting Chia seeds in beer makes it ok for my diet, right?
He said he looked out his window and I was sitting in the grass with blood everywhere talking to a dog.
Your the only person I know that needed stiches after a Monday morning conference call. How are you in your 20s? How
I was mad at him...then I jerked off. Now I'm over it. Orgasms fix everything, I swear.
Your boyfriend being in jail is really helping my social life! #GotASingleDrinkingBuddyAgain
the walk of shame isn't very shameful when your mom tells you she's proud of you.
She was talking about how a garden gnome was hitting on her the whole night. We thought she was just that high, but turned out the gnome was that guy in the weird hat.
She was all for the threesome til I showed her a pic of my boyfriend. I think I should re-evaluate my life decisions.
I woke up to rachel asking "did anyone else fall out of a tree last night?"
Randomize
