I hate you, and I hope you have babies soon that you love very much. Then I will steal them and feed them to sharks, and you will be so heart broken that you never want to have any more kids and you'll just hide out in a dark room all day wondering how someone could feed another persons babies to sharks.
Let's just have a brief moment of silence for my dignity before we start tonight
just took a pee in my own yard...decided i had to poo..only got a dingle berry....wiped it away with my finger..help me...my mom AND dad are home.
Whatever. We're stealing a penguin. Your not allowed near him... You did this to yourself.
Apparently she held up my head the entire 40 minutes, convincing the cab driver that I was okay
So apparently the only parts of last night I remember didn't actually happen.. When did vodka become a hallucinogen?
i just keep picturing us drunk surrounded by kittens.
Bryan's allergic to that cheap detergent, so he's been naked for three days. But we're all used to it now, so the party is still on.
The water at the venue tasted HORRIBLE so I just kept drinking booze. It was like the medievals.
Are you setting a date to bone me?
Are you accepting?
... and smoked a joint with my new landlord. I'm starting to like Germany.
do you ever look at a card in your wallet and reminisce about all of the drugs youve done with it?
How's Vegas?
Woke up with a sculpture of my own head. Been trying to find Ashley for two days. so pretty not too bad.
Now I have to go back and sober fuck him. For science.
I can't believe the police had to bring me to my booty call last night
Randomize
