you definitely held a convo with a hobo
we have a secret handshake
My 3rd grade teacher, who was also my fav, thought i was in prison. That seriously upsets me.
Did you see Brett Michaels get knocked on his ass?
Hurt me personally.
Knocked his cowboy hat off... Bandanna was still good though
She just sent me a picture of a heart. I need to stop fucking freshman...
In your drunken brilliance did you make bagel with what appears to be mac and cheese smeared on top and pink icing dip? Because if so it is sitting on the counter
You should get a handy in the street again, just to prove you've still got it.
Buying a large dominoes pizza for a wasted 3 mile walk is the best bad idea ever. My mouth is on fire, probably broke my hand, and i may or may not have eaten street pizza.
How did you break your hand eating pizza?
Boxes are hard to see rocks through.
Hows the party lookin?
At a live sex show right now. Not sure about the employee party
she just nodded and said "yeah, I'd fuck him for a reese's peanut butter cup". it's so nice to know I'm not the biggest whore living here
do me a favor, I need this weekend off so can you work your magic and blow my boss again?
Operation terrify all men while simultaneously make them fall in love with me is going quite swimmingly so far
Mom just walked in with a bag of weed and funyuns. I'll talk to you later.
I just don't understand why we can't have sex in the house. I'll come see you but I'll have to think about the barn thing.
Maybe singing about how you'd bang Morgan Freeman to the tune of Single Ladies while holding champagne and a box of Cheerios wasn't the best first impression on his parents
He’s older
Like “has a job and pays his bills” older or “still watches porn on DVD because he can’t figure out the Internet” older?
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