Wow that girl who lives a couple houses down is going out wearing butterfly wings a skirt and fishnets
someone get that fucking seahorse.
Roller skating + drunkeness + peeing = mess
While I was fucking her, they came in and served us both weed from a hookah. best. friends. ever.
Ohh god. I'm so nervous. This is terrible. He just introduced me as "the best girlfriend of his life" and Jenny as his "sexual roomate"
I made a bet with her that she would show me her tits if I finished my beer. Only on spring break.
So somebody asked her is she's okay.She turned around,started running and screamed "Ballet is running through my veins" before doing a small pirouette.It's amazing how she managed not to fall.
Hey..um, you dont know me, but I just found your purse in a bush at the end of my street this morning
Mom looked at me, frowned, and said "it makes me sad to see you drink before noon.." So i told her if she doesn't like it she needs to stop waking me up before noon.
Oh were you the stripper at that club last Sunday when i was trippin on acid wearing a giraffe outfit?
I've been smoking weed using candles all week and I just found a lighter. This may truly be the happiest moment of my life. It's embarrassing how excited I got
Woke up naked on your sister's mattress lying next to a single slice of bread.
If last night was a preview of 2015, I quit.
You know shit got weird when you watched another guy shove drugs up your wife's ass and it wasn't awkward for any of us....
It’s like my vagina just knows when a man is a barrel-chested freedom fighter.
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