Aren't I supposed to sit on your face?
Come on... In this relationship-economy, you gotta have "awesome blowjobs" on your resume.
he calls his bong barack obonga, commander in kief. i found where i belong.
Is it bad that now when i read ingredients in the food I eat i only read it as shrooms instead of mushrooms ?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He asked me If i had cheated on my boyfriend when I said no he said it's like he doesnt know me anymore
I think a 5 ft pyramid of jello shots in honor of the egyptians is in order
Straight up if I get stuck with her I'm going to drink myself into a prison cell.
don't tell me about being eco-friendly. i just threw up in the same bag i bought my liquor in. RECYCLING
So he says "my girlfriends coming over so you have to leave but I love you"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
did i send you the picture of me smiling with the magnum wrapper?
he's a firefighter. like being a firefighter screams MY DICK IS HUGE SO I'M NOT AFRAID TO DIE IN THIS FIRE.
Also, making a white Russian with butterscotch schnapps instead of vodka is probably the best decision I've made in my entire college career.
Adding to the list of things I have said out loud at the bar that I shouldn't have: "I am the yoda of sucking dick"
please come back they are interrogating me about masturbation
Mike's letting gay guys do body shots off him again.
My boyfriend, ladies and gentlemen.
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