it's like i warped into dreamland and the only thing that makes sense is my solo cup
i found a roscoes card in my pocket that says 'fuck me bare fo $15.20'. Wow
don't look now, but that cross eyed girl is staring at you... and me.
We'll make it into fun. If I can make wii bowling into a drinking game, I can make studying spanish into a sex game.
my brother is a facebook fan of two things: God, and Rhianna. if he's not a prime example of the rare "baptist closeted gay," i don't know who is.
I think "bars open christmas minneapolis" is the saddest google search i've ever done.
I miss vodka workout Fridays
I'm going to be blunt here. I don't actually care what you're doing tonight. I just need to know if I need to shave or not.
I feel like I can hear facebook. What did we smoke?
how is telling me how long you drunkenly fucked someone supposed to make me miss you?
Im playing lifeguard in my own bathroom. How's ur night?
I know you`re my best friend, but when i wake up with this bad of a hangover and no memories of last night, i dont want to see your tits ad my background.
Guy just came in wearing only shorts, on his hand was written - my name is ... Call ... And tell them where i am, thanx - in permanent marker, ordered his favorite dish, and left w/out touching it. It's snowing outside.
They made Game of Thrones Oreos. Kill me.
I went next door to get a can opener from them. They opened the door shirtless, asked me if I wanted to a smoke a joint with them. Then decided to make blueberry smoothies. But the yogurt in the blender & the berries, got confused when the berries blended into the yogurt and just kept adding more. Only stopped when we ran out of berries.
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