I thought he was joking about bailing you out until I saw the picture of you and the sheep in the morning paper. Were those my boots you had on it
you just stared at your feet and said some shit about the molecules dancing and how you had just solved physics.
With sake I got over my irrational fear of seafood. Now I just fear sake.
hes a good boy he deserves a good blow
By the way, turns out "Danny B" is his penis. Not his cousin. I was right.
i mean, i stole her boyfriend and beat her snake score on facebook within 48 hours. not her week.
I had to step in when you tried to make it rain baking powder on my sister
Come get her ASAP. She's "people bowling," which is just her rolling into random groups of people. People look pissed.
I've already reverted to sweat pants. And lonely drinking.
He just grabbed my boob and justified it by saying "I just wanna feel your heart beat"
You know what it feels like? It feels like I'm in that prison from the dark knight rises. That's what being a virgin in college feels like.
He said it was fake. Like really? Hey baby, I wanna sleep with you, so here's a picture of a fake tiny dick
If I had a vagina, my apartment would have been the Atlantic
We drunkenly built a couch fort and fucked in it. I've known her since preschool. This was every childhood fantasy mixed with adult dreams come true.
Want to meet at a cool spot and just park like cops side-by-side and you can eat some potatoes and I can smoke a cigarette in your face?
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