dude that girl has seen more cock ends then weekends
why do cheetos always look like penises
It's weekends like this that make it obvious why we have to pay to come to college.
Just got my cast off. My occupational therapist wants me to self-gratify. My clit is about to have an awesome weekend...
Does she usually listen to trance and cut up broccoli when she's high?
Kristy will be communicating through my phone. Due to her current blood alcohol level, the laws of Pennsylvania, Erie county, and common decency have deemed that she is no longer permitted to have her own phone.
Her roommate "grounded" her because she drunkenly tried to fill their fish tank with vodka
Why was there a 1000 piece puzzle covered in hot sauce being cooked in the microwave?
However today I got my lube that might I add was dripping out of the box. I'd like to think my mailman was mixing business with pleasure.
Perhaps if I didn't mortify my parents last night with my drunken obnoxious behavior which resulted in the casualty of an entire decorative bathroom shelf which I completely ripped off the wall and left for dead, I would be more than willing to go day drinking.
You tried to bite my nipple like 3 times
NAh son
Just general bites
So many Oreos I'm regretting this decision already but I'm happy at the same time...The straddle is real
Struggle. Not straddle. I'm not straddling anyone.
The real estate's complaint had the words "loud squealing at 2am" in it. Then I remembered that was me spoon feeding you guys old potato salad while you screeched like baby birds. Great night.
just because i'm not a monk anymore doesn't mean I need to tell you about my new sex life.
which is fantastic by the way.
You mom sent me some article linking anal sex, damaged prostates and sterility. Does she still think your gonna go straight and have kids one day?
Randomize
