my professor just told me i smelt like a brewery infront of my whole class b4 my final presentation
so apparently I plead the 5th to every question they asked me when they put me under the conscious sedation to set my broken wrist
12 garbage cans filled with water, a beer can floating in every garbage can, 20 ft. apart and you shoot with dodge balls..and thats only how the night began
thank you for letting me use your house as a brothel.
i swear to god if you did anything to my honey bunches ill remove all the oats and shove them up your dickhole then play pinata with my foot to knock them all back out
I give you full permission to seriously injure me the next time I think it's a good idea to face a bottle of vodka
Dude it's SB. It's a proven fact that all you need to survive on is beer, weed, chips and maybe some amphetamines
Quote from doctor, "that is a VERY angry vagina".
I'm fucked.
I woke up to a stripper (who added me on Facebook) messaging me reminding me to cancel my card if I can't find it
You let someone poor beer into my mouth off of a balcony. Best friend test failed.
Haahahahahahhaaa
Damn it. Can't order pizza. Can't do the hot tub. No one to invite over for loud, kinky sex. What's the point of being here alone?!
So why exactly are your shoes in my freezer?
He told us a story about a time his 80 year old uncle karate chopped a dick in a glory hole.
This might be the worst thing you've ever done.
Really? I feel like I've done worse. Guess I gotta step my game up.
I just did a bump with my mom so I’d sober up for Black Friday shopping
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