I want to fuck you on the side of the bed tonight.
babe, don't say it like that!
I'm sorry, I want to penetrate you on the edge of our sleeping quarters this evening.
Isn't that the only thing she's good at? Complaining and blow jobs?
Pretty sure that drunken football on the back porch with 6 guys with a champagne bottle was a bad idea....
He woke up next to me, said I "wasn't naked enough" and fell back asleep. I proceeded to blow him.
MISSING: One left eyebrow. Reward if returned.
The AC broke so he ended up sleeping in the front yard and left his one night stand on the couch.
Trust me at the end of the night there will be queso smothered places you didn't think it could be smothered
Well... When your girlfriend fucks your sister, the 2 week courtesy window goes out the door.
Dude, you passed out sitting straight up AND in mid sentence last night
I had him autograph the condom wrapper.
You know you are high when you are so glad it wasn't your freshly buttered raisin bread that fell on your foot. It was your $400 Ipod
Idk what was more embarassing, seeing her face when I finished, or seeing her roomates faces thru the door..
One minute we were ordering sandwhiches. The next hes peeing in a trash can yelling at kids about how tv made him this way
I have only been here for a week and might contributed to a dumpster fire on accident.
Pretty sure my aunt hooked up with one of my brothers frat brothers at his graduation party
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