I just did something awful... i just had to tell someone... i just used my brothers electric face cleaner as a vibrator
you used progresso chicken soup as a mixer last night
just so you know... i was wasted last night, but the evening is coming back to me in flashes... i made you eat gravy last night, didn't i?
I literally just wiped coffee off of the corner of my mouth with my boob because my hands were full. Thought youd be proud. Good morning!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's just not a Friday night unless I'm getting propositioned by a guy in a wheelchair via Facebook messenger...
Would it be inappropriate to rub one out in the gym shower? I mean, technically, I pay $80 a month to do what I want so could they really say anything?
Shower is fine. Steam room is shady. I've probably done both at one point in my life so I can't be used as a good reference.
Bruce the cab driver wants to take me on a date to see Taken 2
New one-upper goal: I have to shit off the side of a moving train then jump off
For the past year I have been the most responsible I have ever been in my entire life and now spring break is here and there is free penis just traipsing around my entire town. The game is afoot.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So good!! I became real good friends with an adorable black lesbian couple from Baltimore and a man in a diaper.
So... crashing at the hot bartender's place is not a solid marital decision.
Dude I'm driving around California right now hiding little bags of weed in random places like Easter eggs so that I can come back and find them later
chicken nuggets make me a bit homicidal
I'm thankful I didn't get drunk and shit my pants this year. 🦃
Well, I was giving him a handy and I sighed in boredom. He heard. I had to fake moaning sounds after he asked if I sighed.
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