so then we both started to do the walk of shame and she didnt realize we had fucked in her apartment until some lady said hi to her in the elevator
you didnt stop her?
too entertaining
My vagina is in bus station locker number 1465.You can go talk to it if u like -in the mean time I’m going 2show up drunk and embarrass u at work.
Even water is tasting like jack daniels
he was chasing shots of soco with fistfuls of my birthday cake
And i generally try not to roofie people when I'm in a committed relationship.
Her gay brother kept hitting on me and cockblocking me. Don't even begin to tell me how bad your night was.
Every shot buddy I have I end up blowing. I don't know whether this pattern is good or bad.
So, your gf couldn't walk up the stairs without your help, but she could knit you a scarf?
I think the fact that the scarf was made out of dental floss should be taken into account.
I think it's safe to say I'm rolling my hypothetical balls off
She's crying about either her ex boyfriend, her one night stand, or her own puke. None of those is worth the tears.
bringing my vibrator into the shower with me. if I don't text back in 30 minutes I have electrocuted myself and died.
May the force be with you.
This morning confirmed it...there's no maybe about it. She definitely wasn't born with it. It was definitely the Maybelline.
eh, I feel I'm heading for a breakdown and I need to get it out of the way before I start writing that lab report.
Just ordered a pregnancy test off amazon. Fuck 2019
First day of school is awesome. I get to meet my students and figure out which of their mothers I’ I’m going to bang
Randomize
