im typing and i feel like my hands are on backwards.
Stop texting me, I'm right here.
why do i have 22 missed calls from someone who is literally saved in my phone as bumrape star??
I love how its suddenly "not all about sex" now that he can't get it up
So not only did team sweden fail to particpate in any drinking game but i also found puke in my viking helmet this morning.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The couple that wants to take me home just paid the bartender $100 to pour tequila down my throat. I think I'm in some type of twilight zone where stds run rampant and the alcohol floweth
I've never wanted to punch a 94 year old woman in the vagina, and then call her next of kin to tell them I just muff punched their Gam Gam until today.
There are days when you go to throw something in your bedroom trash can and realize the only things in there are a used condom, a Lime-arita can and a muffin wrapper.
I responded with "neat-o burrito" to his SEXT...he tried so hard and I just panicked.
fuck you I'm eating salad I can't be drunk.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
why did you put a dildo on the ceiling fan
the dildo had a suction cup and we had a ceiling fan what did you expect?
when you shit yourself on the way to school its time to give up and go home
I just got out of the shower and I feel like I just washed off 10 lbs of bad decisions...
We are bad people. This is why we are friends. <3
That Spanish guy who looks like Ben Affleck from that club we went to 3 weeks ago is still texting me.. He clearly doesn't remember what I look like.
I am watching Wayne Gretzky and Alexander oveckhin play video games for charity. What is life right now.
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