you were so high you were expressing yourself in action figures
home. puking in laundry basket.
your brother just told me that Guinness is the first book of the Bible...
If I can't get a one-legged man to love me, what the hell chance do I have with a NORMAL guy???
My clit is not a Gobstopper. Cut it out.
I'm just sad for you. It sucks that the 17 douchebag asshole guys you're fucking can't morph into one nice, normal, non-alcoholic guy that has a drivers license and no criminal history.
There are some sad choices of men in the ER. That one was missing teeth. Not the place to find a husband.
You shall now refer to my vagina as patty and patty only
I found it. now I'm going to the gym to be "healthy" or whatever that folklore is called.
You had sex with him AND his man bun. Like not just him but also the bun.
It all started with a game of naked twister.
Also, I had mind-blowing sex on a pool table
i knew it was a party when i saw you sitting on the couch naked with the keg in your lap, still drinking and passing out cups
You stuck your false lashes to your upper lip and then asked that ONE kid with facial hair if your "mustaches could touch" as an excuse to make out.
Do you remember standing up at 3 in the morning and asking me if I was counting to six?
Randomize
