what, no i told him that it wasnt nessesary to put all 5 fingers in my vagina
I had to move some guys boxers out of the dryer. This is the closest I'll be getting to dick this month.
So... i mean if they do have cameras in his apartment buildings pool room atleast we gave them a little show.
don't tell me about being eco-friendly. i just threw up in the same bag i bought my liquor in. RECYCLING
At this point if I didn't go to work hungover I think the whole place would think something is wrong
how did you know i stayed over last night?
there was a trail of glow sticks and cheetos from the front door all the way to his bedroom
I want you to read this conversation tomorrow and be proud of the fact that you taught me how to decipher any drunk message. Good job.
Just wanted to let you know it's 3am and, at this point, I believe your sister has more of my semen in her than I do. So suck on that, fuckface.
I tried to feed the cat bread. I told her it was the body of Christ. That seemed to work.
You don't have a cat...
does having sex with an episode of House playing in the background count as studying for my MCAT?
Made out with some dude at the bar last night. Was fun until he thought bohemian rhapsody was by The Who
One day he'll find out I do drugs and stop talking to me.
What will you do then?
Drugs, probably.
at least he now gets to tell people how he once threw a party so epic that the next day they had to clean some girl's body paint off the ceiling
besides the unzipped fly, the black eye and the toilet paper on your shoe you looked really sexy today baby!
There's a pregnant girl taking shots of apple juice
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