I wish there was a Glade Plug-in for vaginas
After I just paid $211 for my hair to be dyed and cut this guy at the bar said "I know you died your hair with koolaid, but I'd still fuck the shit out of you"
I don't want end up bound and gagged in the back of a van headed for rehab. Bound and gagged OK. Just not the rehab part.
i am literally watching eva make a trashbag diaper for you to sleep in tonight. whole new level of low for you.
This is working out surprisingly well considering it started out with us using a christmas tree as a battering ram
It was like the titanic mixed with those sad puppy commercials mixed with jello shots
The airport has the best people watching and munches... It should be a destination drinking location
I damn near set my vagina on fire. WHILE The Flaming Lips played in the background. Intensely apropos.
Of all the things that can be stripped of me i'll be damned if it's my vanity
sometimes, you gotta take him by the hands like tails took sonic, and fly him into the bedroom.
Sorry for peeing on you and your bed last night.
I just woke up drenched in beer, in a puddle of beer, and cuddling a bottle of tequila
It's really life affirming to be at a wedding thinking wow I took your husbands virginity
So woke up naked and found my clothes from last night in my kitchen with a half eaten quesadilla
I'm not drunk or hungover and I don't have to work. My body is sooo confused!
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