I want to do you till i cant cum anymore. Till all i get is a little flag that says "bang".
hahaha! you have a girlfriend
tell that to the new girl at work who i screwed on the washing machine today...
I'm sorry for what I said earlier...your vagina wouldn't look funny If you had a kid.
Just found my DARE notebook from 6th grade. Extacy was starred and highlighted.
At least I've made one childhood dream come true
We were making out and then he stopped and said to me, "Your ship is right there, why don't you take your people and just go?"
I just got a new temperpedic mattress pad and started smoking weed again in the same week. finding motivation to go to a 9:AM class is close to impossible.
I think showering with 5 people and a half gallon of vodka was one of the best decisions we have ever made.
When he was fat he reminded me of my high school best friend and I just wanted to hug him and hug him. Also, he's funny and humor is the fastest way into my pants after Doctor Who and liquor.
Your text makes more sense read in reverse.
Please tell me I didn't try to make out with a 70 year old Romanian man last night ...
I found your dog. Now we are bros, so he is staying. Don't call, don't make it weird.
Just got a ride from a stranger while walking a mile home as it hailed with no coat. He asked me if I smoked, then said he just made some potent cookies and I could have one.
The cookie was what I originally wanted to tell you. Always say yes to drugs from strangers
You can fuck right off with that, "If the earthquake isnt bigger than 5.0, we native Californians dont get out of bed." I am from Chicago. I can handle freak flash floods, polar vortexes and tornados. But my bed violently shaking at 6:30 in the morning is cause for some understandable concern.
Who's the naked guy asleep in your car?
I don't think he knows you can have sex sober...
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