WHY DID I DRINK ALL THE INGREDIENTS FOR VOMIT?!
Piggyback rides are my preferred mode of transportation.
i just discovered a movie that charlize theron is a sex addict. i think my prayers have been answered
I'm leaving my hospital band on when we go drinking tonight. I'm aiming for pity sex.
I didn't know what to do with her so I just tied her to a bench.
There are apples in the microwave and a cup of twigs in the fridge. I think she's hiding in the pantry, I can hear her giggling. Leaving her to it.
Most adult booty call ever. Ha. We got down to business and still got to watch the colbert report.
I just watched my mom get dick on Skype.
That d should have definitely been an s.
Well, he asked what my sign was, then proceeded to critique me on my beer pong stance... I really need to raise my standards.
If your gig isn't over in 30 minutes I am coming on that stage to come on your dick.
Happy anniversary, did you sign and mail in the divorce papers yet?
Its a good night when you get to makeout with a cowboy
I just showered and shaved both ankles and one knee because that's the skin that's exposed in the jeans I'm wearing today. Please tell me I'm not the only one who does that.
christmas shopping: 3 hours in the liquor store...
Stacy lit a fart and burn half of the couch down before we can put the Flames out. Bring your truck.
Randomize
