He told me I took off my shirt, asked for the latino thunder and jumped on him. I want to question this but it sounds too much like me.
And then he used the flashlight app to illuminate me giving him head. Thanks IPhone
I can't help but be optimistic. I'm like a ball of slutty sunshine.
got into a fight with a bouncer over who's moustache is better again last night...
She started ignoring us once we told her we were out to celebrate your abortion. Who knew strippers could be judgemental?
Sunshine is the equivalent of sprinkling whore pellets on campus.
Dave used his AAA card to get my car towed to my house so I could get drunk. Evil genius.
I came in and she was laying on the ground just stoking it saying "the floor is where our feet step"
Like theyre better than no shoes. I'm sitting her balls naked playing xbox in nothing but crocs with the fur
You are under a naked attack watch for the whole weekend. Shelter in place.
Hungover on St. Patrick's Day. I did this backwards.
I knew I was in for a long night after I filled the empty pinata carcass with beer, bit off the top of one of it's legs and used it as a beer bong.
Woke up way too warm in the middle of a spooning sandwich. Was working up a rant about still not wanting a threesome. Then I realized the littlest spoon was the dog. Might need to break up anyway.
They're doing CPR to someone in the middle of Victoria's Secret. Way to block the undies, damnit!
It’s a good thing I’m the only one in the office today. My boy toy stopped by and now there is jiz all over my desk and couch
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