I created a new tequila drink. it is a mix of excitement and fear instilled in innocent people.
how does Santa get into Hogwarts?
it's kind of nice to have a picture of me making out with someone and actually know who it is for once
How does "I'm not drinking tonight" turn into body shots?
I had a great penis washing session in the sink before I left. Washed off all the bar and green beer
He snuck out of bed at 9 am and came back with pizza and a bottle of wine. I think I'm in love!
I remember doing shots of gin, then I have this strange memory of us making out in the womens room at waffle house.
I regret none of it.
Tequila pump. I'm ecstatic your engineering degree has real world application.
Hey, so I'm not coming into work til Friday. Some guy I've known for about 8 hours just offered me a free vacation to Maui and bought my plane ticket. He's Aussie so I'm 75% sure he won't murder me
you dont know your limits until you wake up with a black eye and a bruised rib and find out you got ran over by a bicycle last night
Who's the captain of your team? Captain Morgan as usual?
And me
i just got drunk and created an entire Dr Seuss unit for my first graders.
I am at a cat party and I just witnessed people lapping vodka out of a bowl for a contest. Lol
Bring vodka when you get back from court.
like, there were so many other better not terrible choices you could have made, so i'm honestly baffled that you managed to fuck up that bad
Randomize
