i guess you could say your face is two degrees of separation from my balls
This is the LAST time i'm accepting the excuse "tequila made me do it". Even tequila thinks buying all of nickelback's itunes singles is fucking retarded
don't worry dude, we didn't fuck on your bed out of respect for you
couldn't find a condom?
basically
I just saw at least a dozen senior citizens on roller blades. way to drunk for this.
can you call in chlamydia to work? like if the antibiotics they gave you for it are giving you the shits...
You better drive. If I decide to let them talk me into a 3-way, I don't want you to be stranded.
Let's turn this shoulder dislocation into a positive. Come to the hospital, bring some beers, let's party.
I woke up with glitter in my wounds.
I don't always steal things but when i do it is a six foot five dos equis guy
Apparently I'm ahead in the foot race to his dick because I'm not insane. If I'd have known that's all it took, I'd have worn sweat pants more often.
They were so huge my eyes were just drawn to them. Boob gravity man.
Not this time. I'm drinking in my sweatpants which means I've given up for the day and shouldn't be in public.
Lol, perhaps. But the drinks are so cheap, the music is better, and the bartenders and bouncers all know my name. I can't abandon it, even if it is a gay bar, its still my Nirvana.
I'm seriously scared right now. Woke up next to 3 geese and a lot of feathers ..
For the love of all that is holy just take the tranquilizers Erica
Randomize
