i woke up this morning in my bathroom,naked, with my boxers around my face and puke and shit on the floor and wondering why i didn't have a toenail on my one big toe.
compared to you, a hobo is quite responsible.
do you think the kids from 7th heaven are mad that dennis and sweet dee are their half-brother and sister?
college "breaks" should be renamed "reminder why you left your hell hole of a life in the first place"
We totally just fucked in a closet. These vacations with his family are causing creativity I never thought I had.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Everytime I walk into a bathroom at school that I've taken a pregnancy test in I get a little bit nostalgic....
What's the rule on cocaine before dinner?
Its 11 o'clock somewhere
Sometime between a drunk guy asking me if I'm a Beach person or a lake person WHILE HIS HAND WAS IN HIS FUCKING PANTS or breaking up a lady fight over peewee football league I started to reevaluate my life and self
The low-flow toilet at my office cannot handle the intensity of this hangover.
I promised him we could have sex if he would let me take him to the hospital to get stitches.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
On Friday, can we drink like its Civil Wars times and the doctor's coming to saw off our gangreen infected legs?
Just made a diving catch to save a handle of Fireball falling out of the car. ESPN worthy.
... why is there baby oil , black socks and frozen hot dogs in the sink this morning ?
Why were there just 3 inflatable bounce houses delivered to my house?
oh shit.
Please tell me why we have been neighbors since elementary school and waited until the night before I moved to fuck.
That moment when you’re at the doctor to give a sperm sample you’re only getting 3G so the porn is buffering
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