Honestly, where the fuck is osama bin laden?
I don't think you have the libido for two women at the same time
I think you underestimate the amount of time spent masturbating
im honestly more upset that i fucked a buckeyes fan than about cheating on my boyfriend...
We're playing a drinking game to 'how to train your dragon'. has it really come to this?
It would be like bopping for an apple with my penis but never winning an actual prize. The only thing I would get from it would be the joy from taking part but then regretting it forever more
Do you remember snorting allspice and yelling at doughnut shop girl?
Pretty sure he sprained my tongue. This is why you don't hook up with gingers.
I just got a get of my turf look from a hooker. Apparently, Ninja Turtles T-shirt+Jeans+Flip-Flops=Hooker Gear. Woot.
for me, it's working out the tricky timing of the Viagra and nightly laxative.
She looks like a beluga.
I want to splash her with water and when she screams say "I didn't want you to die. You looked parched"
Yeah well I just had an orgasm on my bathroom floor so there's a first for everything I guess
We fucked while The Odyssey played in the background. Homer would be proud.
He unliked all of my pictures on instagram, I don't know whats worse, the fact that he did it or the fact that I noticed..
i have a strong feeling that today will be a naked day for me...i don't feel like doing shit
So many questions...the two most important are, where the fuck is my booze and how did you even get the couch through the door?
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