I am going to be the most sexually active ladybug that he has ever seen
My scrabble letters just formed failure. Thanks God.
Remind me to never go to the bar with your Asian friends again. I need to be able to read or pronounce what I'm drinking.
All he wants to do is masturbate while I sit there with my big toe up his ass that is not even the worst part of it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he just chased his shot of tequila with a chicken nugget.. either its a canadian thing or hes wasted
I wish the ER had shaved that part of my head. It would be easier to show people my staples at the bar.
No, you don't understand. If the words "stop," "alcohol poisoning," and "regret" aren't in the same sentence by the end of the night, I will have failed this birthday.
A reason for us to be drunk all week National Singles Week
Mom got high last night and started crying because she feels bad for Paula Deen. This is my family.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm about to ride on a tractor i have no time for you
I think one of your friend's offered my friend chicken tenders back at his place...just FYI he should probably come up w/ another line
He just compared our sex to a grand slam on Wii fitness
You're doing it right
Never in my life did I think i would give a blow job in the bathroom of my old elementary school. Twice.
Hold on, I'm taking nudes in a blanket fort right now
Facebook: “Hey you fucked on a diving board, you should probably should wish him a happy birthday”
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