Woman walking into toby keith concert: 8 months pregnant, black eye, shirt on that has a picture of a boot and the words "we'll put a boot up your ass" with an american flag printed over--the sleeves were ripped off and she had a camo cowboy hat. Greatest thing I've ever seen.
Please return the baby Jesus and sheep to the quad
So... 5th graders can't whisper for shit, but apparently I have an awesome rack.
Haha. Niice.
Yeah, I didn't know whether to be shocked or flattered.
both.
You have to understand, this is the first time I'm looking at a whopper sober.
What a good family we'd make, him and I and our kids and his good dick.
He told me he finished so fast because he's a sprinter. I hate athletes who are really just pussies.
its hard to take this fight seriously when one dude is an oompa loompa, and the other is a "g spot"
Thanks for gettin' me home, killa. Have no IDEA how I woke up pants-less on the bathroom floor at 4a.m. You're like a big, angry guardian angel.
Youre the drunk baby that everyone wants to take care of.
I'm thinking blowjobs and wheelchair sex should be part of any post-injury wellness plan.
Topless Tuesday? One of us will be really happy the other not so much.
He called his dick "The Beast" and said he lived "The Beast Life". He was pretty but it was better if he didn't talk.
New low: uploading my contacts into Facebook in an attempt to get the name of the girl I brought home last night.
Just escaped from the ER. Meet me at the bar in 20 minutes.
I left my red butterfly dildo laying on my bedroom floor this morning....my landlord is currently showing the house to people. Fuck can't ever face him again.
Randomize
