I fucked a guy named chris tucker last night
he's the Salvador Dali of pubic shaving
My RA just tried to write me up for having sex too loudly during quiet hours.
Screw it. I'll show up in a white dress with a sign that says " I fucked the groom and it wasn't that great."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
got woken up at 7:30 by a drunk girl asking me where she was... apparently she slept on my futon
she was in a cheetah costume
This theraflu would make for a great margarita.
I can make a sudafedarita
Well I went on a freakin rampage and destroyed a fan and claimed that it wasn't doing its fan duties... Then I knocked on everybody's doors in the hall and asked if they were content with their fan's performance and if not I would take care of it...
wait, how does the 20 year old one night stand pregnant girl have a superiority complex?
I think we got naked. I can't remember but if you have "friends" written on your ass, then we did. Because I have "best" on mine.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Some guy just showed up at my door to return my bikini top. EXPLAIN NOW
I'm going to have to have a long talk with god if my soul mate has a prince albert
Not much, just taking another sorting hat quiz while waiting for this porno to finish buffering
I just had a sex dream about orange juice, so there's that.
I walked out and he was covered in jelly, slithering around the floor. I don't know how to process that.
Is there a number of dicks a girl can have in a weekend before it becomes unacceptable? Asking for a friend
Remember! It’sa long weekend and a holiday weekend and it’s America’s birthday! So don’t short change me!
I thought you were asking for a friend
Randomize