wouldn't it be funny if when girls shaved their vaginas, they gave them sideburns?
i just shoved 27 marshmallows in my mouth
well thats a nice change of pace from what you normally put in your mouth
jack dropped his pants and said "bet u've never seen a dick this big." which was really sad cuz i had never actually seen one that small...you have like pinch it between ur thumb and pointer finger to give a HJ
I wasn't expecting a boner of this magnitude
He posted a picture of my bra on facebook with the caption "I don't know who I hooked up with last night but if this is yours please come pick it up".
I feel like I need to get rid of the black eyeliner, glitter, and tequila breath before I to that world poverty conference..
I'm going to do lines of vitamin c I cannot be sick for halloween
Now you have tequila AND fuzzy slippers. Fuck you. I want that to be MY night.
theres chocolate ground into my couch, nerds candy all over the floor and cocaine on every surface. great memorial day weekend and yours?
New low: just got woken up by my 9 year old cousin throwing an empty at me and telling me to get my life together.
Then you bent down and whispered, "excuse me mr. Stair, could you please stop moving?"
im trying to look as sober as possible but i just poured orange juice and mayo into my milkshake.
I'm not even mad. I was just trying to get a boner, you're the one that had to see that
Sorry I trained your dog in Spanish last night. At least he listens to someone now.
He licked the buffalo sauce off my fingers and then we had the best sex of my life.
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